XX Judgement

What is judgement?

I grew up believing it was a dirty word. Between my two homes (one orthodox-based and one atheist), the word was condemned for different reasons but condemned both the same and both hypocritically.

We all judge. Whether judgement is morally right would be a decision between you and your chosen deity. We judge whether milk is bad, if it’s too hot to leave the dog outside, if our pants fit well, or if our friend appears upset. The judgement that carries the negative connotation is the judgement that comes with condemnation.

Today, I found myself judging. However, as many times I do, I found myself judging myself to the extent that it caused me suffering and anguish.

Like many, I struggle with addiction but my drug of choice is binge eating. I ate so much food the last two nights that it caused me abdominal pain both nights and into the mornings. My suffering had nothing to do with the future aesthetic consequences (although they don’t help the situation). It had to do with my feelings of complete and utter loss of control and the feeling of guilt that accompanies gluttony to that degree.

So, I went about my morning with my head hung low. I made my coffee and I did my daily Tarot reading (three cards: challenge, situation and outcome). The card that appeared in the outcome position was the card of Judgement.

In Tarot, the Judgement card does not carry the same meaning. The card of judgement, indicates a state of rebirth, assessment, healing, salvation, leaving mistakes behind you, making amends and beginning anew. It indicates that you may have outgrown a new path and need to decide to move on to something new. Furthermore, the Judgement card falls in the Fool’s journey after a period of enlightenment and illumination (The Sun) and before success and completion (The World).

We judge. We judge that a choice is no longer optimal. We judge that our current path will not lead to happiness. We judge that we have made mistakes or that other people no longer meet our needs.

After judgement is what matters. What we do with our judgement is what affects our lives, happiness and sense of self-worth.

I chose to overindulge. It happened because of many factors/triggers of which are not currently relevant. Today, I can use that information and be reborn or I can continue the same path. The choice is mine to make.

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